Hip-hop, Fathers and the reaction to having a daughter

A male friend of mine whom I had not spoken to for a while informed me that he had some good news to share. He had had a baby. She was now 7 months old. The proud papa is a traditionally minded Jamaican man. Opens doors. Thinks his future wife should never have to work if she doesn't want to and definitely not while she is pregnant. Once told me that all men want a respectable smart business savy woman by day and a slut at night. He's a young man doing quite well in real estate in Brooklyn. Despite his traditional thinking, he's baby's mama remains just a girlfriend.

Fatherhood relative to daughters is uniquely distinct from the relationship to a son. As the new daddy shared his newfound doting on this little 7-month old female being, he shared how it was affecting his listening habits relative to hip-hop. Born in Jamaica, he was raised up in the Caribbean enclave of Bed-Stuy Brooklyn. (Go Brooklyn!!) He grew up a fan of Biggie and Jay-Z. He told me he especially admired Jay-Z as both rapper and business man (see post and video refuting that Jay-Z smacked a women in Africa in 2004). What's interesting is that ever since my friend's little girl came into the picture, his interest in hip-hop's misogyny has done a 180º. He said essentially he listens differently to all the ways men represent women now. (Pictured: three-time Grammy Award-winning rapper and actor Chris Bridges aka Ludacris with his daughter).

I shared a not-so surprised acknowledgement of this phenomenon. It happened with Nas too and a host a men who love hip-hop whom I have known or written about. I wrote about Nas in a book to be released by Michael Eric Dyson in Jan 2009 devoted to the great Nasty Nas (more on that to come). Nas actually created the anthem "I Can" for his daughter because all the hip-hop out there was so misogynistic. I only wish men would realize, I told my friend, this revelation long before they had a female child. It's imperative they begin to, that men are willing to discover the impact this music has on their disrespect of not only women, but themselves esp. in the public sphere.

According to Dr. Emerson Eggerichs in his book titled, Love and Respect: The Love She Most Desires, The Respect He Desperately Needs, the needs of men often differ from that of women. Men often yearn for respect, while women generally want to feel loved. That may be but perhaps we need a bit more of the reverse.

Father's Day Challenge: Healing Rifts between Daddies and Daughters

This is a Father's Day Challenge.
It brings the ultimate gift to many dads out there once called "deadbeat" dads or those who lost touch with their children for whatever reason. It's funny how some of us abhor holidays and rant on about how crass the commericialism of such holidays can be. But they are scheduled occasions to honor this or that. This one is to honor our fathers.

I wrote this after listening to WNYC's Brian Lehrer Show this morning.
They did a piece on a memoir called The Film Club about a professor whose son preferred to drop out of school at 16 and he created a kind of film school for him. After the show, they had open phones for gift ideas for Father's Day. I wrote this:
I am 45.
At the age of 40 I met my birth father for the first time. My dad was not in my life. Last year he told me "I was young and foolish and you're mom said 'You don't have to stay'." So he didn't. My father passed away of prostate cancer last Feb. -- one of too many black men suffering from a disease with a 90% cure rate.

The Challenge: be the first to reach out to your dad and do what I did. I thanked him five years ago for having a roll in the hay with my mom. If it wasn't for him (as well as my mom) I would have the remarkable life I have as a scholar, performer and coach.

Another kind of gift:
I wrote a song in honor of my reunion with my dad called "BLACK CAN BE ME" a blues about what can come from reconciling with your father and the positive impact it has on loving others esp. men.

The CD would be a great gift with my story for your dad or any dad whose daughter or son has not made the move yet.

BE THE TRUE REVOLUTION (self-produced) is the name of the album and "Black Can Be Me" the single - Here are the links to both on iTunes and CDBaby.net

Would love to hear your stories about your dad and people who overcame the distance between daddies and daughters.