Sunday, December 9, 2007


The holidays brings up a lot for people--cheerfulness and despair. We became more aware of what we have and don't have esp. in relationships and not just romance. Being with family brings it on if you're still single. New Year's eve can too. Will I have a date? Where will I go or will I stay home? With my girlfriends again or will I have a date and with whom? And will there be mistletoe?

Success with the Opposite Sex: Get Related not Dated (TM) is scheduled for the first Friday of every month. On Fri Dec 7th twelve men and women rsvped with about 8-9 women in the mix. Lo and behold by 9pm four single men showed up, two of whom are in committed relationships. Not one woman showed or called to say they wouldn't be coming. It's odd because women are always complaining that it's men who are not committed.

This got me thinking about COMMITMENT as a topic. Commitment can be measured by where you have been spending your time, money, and results. It's no co-ink-a-dink (coincidence) that the single women and men who rsvp for the MEETUP.COM for Success with the Opposite Sex, some even pay the fee ahead, but then at the last minute don't call or show.

I have the same questionable commitment around the event. Taking time to be fully prepared (house cleaned ahead of time, materials created ahead of time, etc). It was last minute all the way. And the guests didn't show at the last minute. They are not even committed to sharing why it didn't work for them to come. This left me really disappointed Friday night.

Then I thought about my own personal relationships with men and where I say I am committed. I think a particular man is a perfect match for me but my actions lately (where I spend my time and money) is in refusing to call, wondering why he's not calling more often or why he's not interested, and avoiding finding out the real deal so I can move on if it's not working for him and for me. Crazy! I am committed to being crazy (LOL) AND cooky. This is a commitment to being unfulfilled surfacing again and this is not the first time I have distinguished it. It perfectly fits a story I've had about my life--I'm not good enough. (And that's not true but my actions are sure consistent with such a context).

So COMMITMENT is our topic next month. What do we say to ourselves about being committed? What don't we say to ourselves and the opposite sex? What could we talk about relative to being committed to one another? This has implications all the way down to rsvping and being a no show. What you may discover by looking at where you already are spending your time and results (not to mention money) is that you are actually committed to being alone, to feeling good rather than being satisfied, to being single or complaining about not being married. The icon to the right that I found on Google Images searching "commitment" shows three levels of commitment:
  • The lowest level is aspiring commitment
  • The next level is acknowledged commitment
  • The highest level is experienced commitment
Are you simply ASPIRING to be in a committed relationship? Do the people of the opposite sex in your life ACKNOWLEDGE that commitment or does your relationships with the opposite sex demonstrate your hidden commitment? About the highest level, do you and the people of the opposite sex actually EXPERIENCE your commitment. This is an exercise in distinguishing where your real commitment lies and choosing what you really want if you'd been aiming elsewhere given what you've already been doing.

Having an owner's manual with this kind of resignation behind it is like getting a used car when the carburetor is inoperable or actually missing, yet you try to follow the owner's manual anyhow. The car just doesn't work without a carburetor.
Carburetor \Car"bu*ret`or\, n. (Chem.)
An apparatus in which coal gas, hydrogen, or air is passed
through or over a volatile hydrocarbon, in order to confer or
increase illuminating power.
What I am present to is that the foundation that confers or increases power in my commitment to being in a relationship is missing. So back to the fundamentals. Let's all look: What have you been committed to with the opposite sex? What do you time, money and results say? January's event is about GETTING WHAT YOU'RE COMMITTED TO: STRAIGHT TALK FOR STRAIGHT AIMS

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