Saturday, April 25, 2009


The new url for the SWTOS blog is

Please reset your bookmark to

Thanks to all who have followed on Blogger. I ain't abandoning Blogger altogether. Just like what Wordpress offers for SWTOS.

Check out the latest post on the APRIL EVENT:

Sunday, March 22, 2009

MARCH THEME: Behind the Insanity of Relationships (or what the Drama re: Chris Brown v Rihanna Could Teach Us)

A brother who came to the February event thought we might discuss the Chris Brown v. Rihanna scenario this Friday March 27th at the next event.

I Twitter or should I say I tweet @kyraocity. Tweets by author Toure twittering @ToureX captured some of the absurdity of it all for me. Check out his tweets since Mar 10th and FYI: "RT" = retweet or resent by current tweeter
  • I'm sorry to all who think I do too much CB/Ri stuff. It's just the most controversial, shocking entertainment news story of the year. 7:48 PM Mar 10th from TweetDeck
  • If the CB&Ri story was static I would've moved on long ago but it mutates constantly. And it's not gossip, it's law, DV, confused love...7:54 PM Mar 10th from TweetDeck
  • RT @brotherdarkness: most black intellectuals hold BET with the same regard Rhianna's makeup artist holds CB. [I agree.] 6:32 PM Mar 12th from TweetDeck
  • You can exhale now: I just heard there is NOT a Ri&CB duet on the way (at this time) Mar 13th from TweetDeck
  • Oh, Rihanna. Listen to Oprah! LEAVE THAT DOUCHE! We wish you loved yourself as much as we love you.4:41 PM Mar 13th from TweetDeck
  • No one's stopping CB's day in court. Why does my brain have to pause for lawyers? I've seen the pic. Real men don't beat up women.2:34 PM Mar 19th from TweetDeck
  • Chris & Rihanna are officially on a break. They're not calling it a breakup, just feeling they need some distance. Ya think? 2:09 PM Mar 19th from TweetDeck
  • To the little girls who absolved Chris from judgment bc Rihanna went back to him, now that they're apart, is he monstrous? 2:12 PM Mar 19th from TweetDeck
This Friday Mar 27th will be a night of sharing. No exercise planned per se but there is an intention.


I am creating a safe and open space to explore how this shows up for so many of us in relationships (perhaps we are not alone). We are not going to discuss Chris and Rihanna but rather ourselves in a safe way (that's the game I will create).

To get you started check out the YouTube video in the following link called HOW TO BREAK UP-TALES OF MERE EXISTENCE.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Success by Design: Enticement starts with your own willingness to seek

I am just back from an AMAZING experience. A life changing experience. Attending TED2009-The Great Unveiling in Long Beach, Ca. I was selected as one of 40 fellows to attend this invitation-only conference of ideas worth spreading. I met Bill Gates and hung with Quincy Jones and many more. As the lyrics from John Lennon's song Imagine say "You may say I'm a dreamer" but at TED I got that "I'm not the only one."

Out of watching the TED Talks online for over 2 years I got I LOVE design. TED stands for Technology/Entertainment/Design but it's so much more. So this fab pic of the construction that has begun in Saudi Arabia on the King Abdulaziz Centre for Knowledge and Culture by Norwegian architects Snøhetta is but one example. Isn't it a sight!! Check out the TED Talk on Romance.

Design also applies to the way we view people of the opposite sex. We often have designs that do not create connectedness with the opposite sex. Like we are wired for distance. I just had a wonderful exchange with a sister who is coming to the new launching of SWTOS in Brooklyn next week (the fourth Friday of each month--Feb 27th at my place). She created an opening for Success with the Opposite Sex before she even came to the event.

I came up with a great idea for forward the gender parity I so love to create at each event. The regular fee is $10/person. Bonus: $15 for a pair of the opposite sex (and you need not be interested in each other).

I got an email from let's call her dreadsistren. Here is our exchange created like a Twitter feed:
@kyraocity Thanks for the info. The special rate sounds great but the only male I know that might want to come is a romantic involvement and I saw that you'd prefer we don't bring anyone in that situation.

@dreadsistern Hey! There are 6.7 billion people on the planet and half are males. Consider that you need to expand your circle of male friends. If I may, you might ask you male friend if he has any partners who might be interested in coming. Also you are welcome, if you are comfortable with it, bring your romantic interest. It's totally up to you. We have had couples join us. Your choice. But consider asking men you think are looking or lonely from work/ school/ or family too. You made me laught with you only know one man. LOL

@kyraocity lol. No, I said the only man I know who might want to come. I should have added also the only man who I think would concentrate on the conversations at hand and not just attend the event to try to get some booty. I know quite a few men but they wouldn't be interested in/or think it's necessary to try to expand their knowledge. As you know, many of these men out here already know everything. lol

@dreadsistren Got it. Maybe we women in their lives will be the catalyst for creating an environment where our arrogance doesn't blind us. Where the truth can be told. Both sexes need a change or two (it's a two way game and if we're not winning neither are they). Dating is one thing. Satisfaction and fulfillment--that's what SWTOS is about! So consider you might be holding them like they can't learn new tricks or you may be determining the answer to whether they are interested FOR them. Give 'em the choice and bring a few No's back as evidence. LOL

@kyraocity Point taken. I'm going to forward the info to some of them and see what happens. [Few minutes later...]

@kyraocity What I did was highlighted the info from the meetup page, deleted your phone number and only left the borough (no need for them to know unless they're interested in coming). I left the statement you have about the type of group it is and I added this:

I told the organizer I only know 1 male who might be interested in this but she told me to (rightfully so) leave the decision making up to the individual. So here's an FYI. This group is from

I sent it to males and females. I'll let you know if I get any responses.

@dreadsistren Awww! Thank you for your willingness to be related to the opposite sex! That's what I'm talking about. That was as good as watching the Obamas dance to "At Last"!! Don't it feel good too!? LOL

@kyraocity lol. I can't wait to see what folks have to say. Well, time for some dishes and my exercises. I'll get back to you later, hun. Have a great day!

@dreadsistren It's so inspiring to me and you now have a sense of what my events are about. Really making a difference in small acts and the simple pleasures of the opposite sex. I loved your honesty! I bet you'll be surprised by their responses. Even if they say no, be willing to be surprised about what you learn about yourself relative to men!

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Hello 2009! It's a brand new world--Obama Time!

I am about to run off to DC. Still seems like a dream that Barack Obama, Michelle and their two daughters will be living in the White House. Who woulda thought we would be painting the White House black from inside. LOL

This pic reminds me of what I want for relationships. It's not soething you have to put into words. It's there in their embrace. And in the world watching and getting who we truly can be. More than a sitcom called The Cosby Show. More than statistics. More than the odds. Simply said. Love. Acceptance. The fulfillment of our hope. The challenge to be who we really are. Everything and the place to create from - nothing.

Returning to blogging regularly here. I can promise once a week. And invite one of you to come blog with me here. Esp. a man!! Want both sides of the equation.

Happy Inauguration!! Love to the world.

Monday, November 24, 2008

We are moving to wordpress...stay tuned!

I'll have the new address for you all by the end of the holiday weekend. Thx for continuing to visit!

Monday, October 13, 2008

It's been a long time...and breaking up isn't hard to do.

Well, this fall I've found myself seriously reflecting on how I've backed myself into being overwhelmed by being nice, saying yes when I think I should, and not really pursuing my dreams. I miss singing more often, songwriting with Tommy more often, dancing. I really miss partner dancing from hand-dancing to the Lindy to salsa. I miss having a man in my life. Things have been brewing here and there but no real fire happening. I got my heart broken about 5 months ago and took all the time since discovering just how resigned and cynical I had gotten about being in a relationship. Finally got to the bottom of it recently and time to return to Success with the Opposite Sex. Why? Because I got intimacy when I was or was not in a relationship and that was the whole point. Keeping the conversation of intimacy alive for men and women to share regardless of your marital or relationship status. Humans need love and intimacy all ways.

Found this great series of YouTube videos under the title TALES OF MERE EXISTENCE. How true it is when it comes to most relationships for singles and for many married folks.

Tales Of Mere Existence "How To Break Up"

I started dating again. I am learning that dating is about one's own commtiment to being fulfilled. Not whether or not the person you are with fulfills you. It's also about insuring you are both fulfilled moment to moment. I am starting to date again. I am learning that dating is about being happy and having fun. I realized from my first date back on the scene...I've not been being as fun as I know myself to be in any other context. Time to make it happen. Bring out the positive flirtatation device. My true self be.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

It's Women's Choices for Jobs Not Employer Discrimination that Affects her Pay

Gender Bias and Income Disparity: A Myth?
Hoover Institution Senior Fellow Thomas Sowell argues that economic differences between working men and women are not generally due to employer discrimination, as is widely alleged. In this video he discusses his new book Economic Facts and Fallacies in which Sowell exposes some of the most popular fallacies about economic issues.

He argues since 1969, the variable of women who have never married or are tenured single female faculty, has contributed to disparities in pay between men. He argues women have chosen professions which allow them to have the leaway to take parental leave. He says being a computer analyst doesn't work. No one would let you off for parental leave for 5 years to have babies. This is absurd. So it's not discrimination about those of the human race who bear children. It's not the context that those positions discriminate about a woman's need for leave even if she is highly qualified for the position. It's that women choose to be librarians instead. Hmm. Ask Sarah Palin about that one.

Former Press Secretary Dee Dee Myers begs to differ with Sowell's line of thinking. In this clip she argues that if Barack Obama had the same resume and had been a female candidate, in the past, she would have been mocked out of the race. When I first heard this kind of criticism, perhaps it was what Geraldine Ferraro poorly attempted to argue, I didn't buy it. But Myers sells me on it because she's making an argument for the notion, which I have always argued, that race trumps gender and in the case of the Democratic nomination, Obama's masculinity actually trumped Hilary's gender. I like the way Myers makes the point much better than Ferraro. Ultimately, not being a white male is a deficit to constantly overcome for the rest of the population in the case of politics and practically all public sphere domains. Even the public library.