Success by Design: Enticement starts with your own willingness to seek

I am just back from an AMAZING experience. A life changing experience. Attending TED2009-The Great Unveiling in Long Beach, Ca. I was selected as one of 40 fellows to attend this invitation-only conference of ideas worth spreading. I met Bill Gates and hung with Quincy Jones and many more. As the lyrics from John Lennon's song Imagine say "You may say I'm a dreamer" but at TED I got that "I'm not the only one."

Out of watching the TED Talks online for over 2 years I got I LOVE design. TED stands for Technology/Entertainment/Design but it's so much more. So this fab pic of the construction that has begun in Saudi Arabia on the King Abdulaziz Centre for Knowledge and Culture by Norwegian architects Snøhetta is but one example. Isn't it a sight!! Check out the TED Talk on Romance.

Design also applies to the way we view people of the opposite sex. We often have designs that do not create connectedness with the opposite sex. Like we are wired for distance. I just had a wonderful exchange with a sister who is coming to the new launching of SWTOS in Brooklyn next week (the fourth Friday of each month--Feb 27th at my place). She created an opening for Success with the Opposite Sex before she even came to the event.

I came up with a great idea for forward the gender parity I so love to create at each event. The regular fee is $10/person. Bonus: $15 for a pair of the opposite sex (and you need not be interested in each other).

I got an email from let's call her dreadsistren. Here is our exchange created like a Twitter feed:

@kyraocity Thanks for the info. The special rate sounds great but the only male I know that might want to come is a romantic involvement and I saw that you'd prefer we don't bring anyone in that situation.

@dreadsistern Hey! There are 6.7 billion people on the planet and half are males. Consider that you need to expand your circle of male friends. If I may, you might ask you male friend if he has any partners who might be interested in coming. Also you are welcome, if you are comfortable with it, bring your romantic interest. It's totally up to you. We have had couples join us. Your choice. But consider asking men you think are looking or lonely from work/ school/ or family too. You made me laught with you only know one man. LOL

@kyraocity lol. No, I said the only man I know who might want to come. I should have added also the only man who I think would concentrate on the conversations at hand and not just attend the event to try to get some booty. I know quite a few men but they wouldn't be interested in/or think it's necessary to try to expand their knowledge. As you know, many of these men out here already know everything. lol

@dreadsistren Got it. Maybe we women in their lives will be the catalyst for creating an environment where our arrogance doesn't blind us. Where the truth can be told. Both sexes need a change or two (it's a two way game and if we're not winning neither are they). Dating is one thing. Satisfaction and fulfillment--that's what SWTOS is about! So consider you might be holding them like they can't learn new tricks or you may be determining the answer to whether they are interested FOR them. Give 'em the choice and bring a few No's back as evidence. LOL

@kyraocity Point taken. I'm going to forward the info to some of them and see what happens. [Few minutes later...]

@kyraocity What I did was highlighted the info from the meetup page, deleted your phone number and only left the borough (no need for them to know unless they're interested in coming). I left the statement you have about the type of group it is and I added this:

I told the organizer I only know 1 male who might be interested in this but she told me to (rightfully so) leave the decision making up to the individual. So here's an FYI. This group is from meetup.com.

I sent it to males and females. I'll let you know if I get any responses.

@dreadsistren Awww! Thank you for your willingness to be related to the opposite sex! That's what I'm talking about. That was as good as watching the Obamas dance to "At Last"!! Don't it feel good too!? LOL

@kyraocity lol. I can't wait to see what folks have to say. Well, time for some dishes and my exercises. I'll get back to you later, hun. Have a great day!

@dreadsistren It's so inspiring to me and you now have a sense of what my events are about. Really making a difference in small acts and the simple pleasures of the opposite sex. I loved your honesty! I bet you'll be surprised by their responses. Even if they say no, be willing to be surprised about what you learn about yourself relative to men!

Hello 2009! It's a brand new world--Obama Time!

I am about to run off to DC. Still seems like a dream that Barack Obama, Michelle and their two daughters will be living in the White House. Who woulda thought we would be painting the White House black from inside. LOL

This pic reminds me of what I want for relationships. It's not soething you have to put into words. It's there in their embrace. And in the world watching and getting who we truly can be. More than a sitcom called The Cosby Show. More than statistics. More than the odds. Simply said. Love. Acceptance. The fulfillment of our hope. The challenge to be who we really are. Everything and the place to create from - nothing.

Returning to blogging regularly here. I can promise once a week. And invite one of you to come blog with me here. Esp. a man!! Want both sides of the equation.

Happy Inauguration!! Love to the world.

The New Yorker Cover: "Michelle" and "Obama"

Thank God for Web 2.0 and the possibility of voicing reactions and comments to media as soon as it hits the stands or appears online. The July 21, 2008 issue of the New Yorker entitled “The Politics of Fear,” features a satire of the Senator Obama and his wife. Reminder of a working definition of racism I use in my work on Agree to Be Offended™ : Curious Connections in Conversations of Race:

• The learned practices, attitudes, thoughts, expressions, suspicions (and now I must add representations) that maintain an inferior view of the dominated group.
• The stigmatizing of difference along lines of ‘racial’ or physical characteristics real or imagined.
• Making others different in order to justify an advantage/ invalidate a disadvantage.
  

Here is a description of the cover courtesy the DISH RAG by Elizabeth Snead (LA Times):

"Presumptive Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama's campaign is furious over a New Yorker mag cover illustration of a Muslim-garbed Obama fist-bumping his wife, Michelle, wearing an Angela Davis afro, a camo jumpsuit, and a rifle slung over her shoulder. An American flag burns in the fireplace.

Obama's camp calls it 'tasteless and offensive.' So for that matter does presumptive Republican presidential nominee John McCain's camp.

The New Yorker insists it's just satire."

Oddly enough, the New Yorker's website features this black-and-white pic of Barack Obama registering an older black women. A much more safe, conventional shot of photojournalism evoking a more staid interpretation of black men in politics.

CAN WE CREATE A NEW FUTURE FOR OUR RELATIONSHIPS
I've been thinking about how to invite more people onto my blog and into a conversation, a national conversation, about the impact of life in the U.S. on black relationships and how what happens in black relationships between the sexes might be significant to the nation as a whole.

Why can't we support and empower healthy relationships between black men and women? As I've mentioned in previous posts, stats show that each sex among black people is increasingly remaining single (not just women). I've joked recently about an online dating service I use which I suggested renaming BLACK PEOPLE DON'T MEET. What messages does this cover leave people with about the state of racism in America and its impact on intimacy, esteem, and credibility in the public sphere between the races and sexes? I can agree to be offended but I won't be silent about it.

Michelle Obama: Reflecting a New Generation of Gender Roles for Women

Michelle Obama co-hosts ABC's The View with Barbara Walters, Whoopi Goldberg,
Joy Behar, Elisabeth Hasselbeck, and Sherri Shepherd.

Obama, Racism + Sexism, and Agreeing to be Offended

RACISM AND SEXISM LIMIT SUCCESS WITH OPPOSITE SEX
I came across Michelle Obama and the silence of the feminists on the blog THE G-SPOT while creating a subscription for the word "racism" on del.icio.us account at http://del.icio.us/subscriptions/kyraocity. . This led me to the blog Jack and Jill Politics where I found the offensive image of Michelle Obama to the right: she's being branded by the KKK. The image apparently first appeared on a democratic site (not a McCain or Bush site) that supported Hilary Clinton. Jack and Jill Politics provides insightful criticism about this event. It's a must read.

"AGREE TO BE OFFENDED"
I gave a workshop on racism on May 18th at Landmark Education's Conference for Global Transformation in San Francisco. The title of the presentation is "Agree to be Offended: Curious Connections in Conversations of Race." Stay tuned for a narrated PowerPoint presentation which will be available as a podcast on YouTube and iTunes in June.

I invite us all to consider it is what we never say but is there to be said about racism and being offended by racism or sexism that is keeping what we most despise (stereotypes, hate crimes, etc.) in place. It seems I would much rather flame about racism, gossip to the people who agree with my opinion of that it's wrong, I talk about the tip of the iceberg and end up ignore what's behind it, the mountain of racial and racist conversations from people I know and in the end I am left disempowered and waiting for the next time it happens.

I invite people to AGREE TO BE OFFENDED and STAY IN THE CONVERSATION with the very one whom you think offended you. This will happen at the person to person level first and foremost and it's likely to be your friends and family rather than the KKK whom you can intervene with. Get interested in what's behind their thoughts, actions and feelings.

A PRACTICE FOR US ALL:
From taking on this practice, I have seen people miraculously see the limitations of their own thinking without me telling them what I think. Just consider they haven't really been heard out and they keep screaming louder and louder or making images to spread their views without having to face opposition. If they were heard, perhaps they could stop their own hate. I just watched a video of Avenue Q, the musical, "Everyone is Little Bit Racist". What we have been doing isn't working to stop it. Let's try something new.

You may have lots to say about this image. But Michelle Obama continues to be graceful in the face of such harassment. She is going to be an extraordinary First Woman (and Lady). Hope feminists of all walks of life (including male feminists like Kevin Powell and Mark Anthony Neal blog about this one). The Obamas have brought something we have longed for to the country - powerful, authentic speaking and grace under fire. I am proud to be for the Obamas and am inspired to promote his campaign. I have never donated to a presidential campaign before and I've donated now 4 or 5 times. It is ok to be offended by the above image, but it's what you do, what action and talk comes after that that will make a difference. CONTRIBUTE TO and/or VOLUNTEER FOR THE CAMPAIGN OF YOUR CHOICE!! Si se puede!

Latinos for Obama Video
Love this video: had to share it with you all...Inspired by his previous work with will.i.am on the viral web video "We Are The Ones," acclaimed music producer Andres Levin has united many leading figures of the Latin music and film community in an all Spanish language video in support of Barack Obama.

Song produced by: Andres Levin
Guitar by: Alejandro Sanz
Additional music and programming: Didi Gutman, Good and Evil
Assistant engineer: Ray Aldaco at Fun Machine
Video produced by: Scott Spanjich, Pilar O'Leary
Directors: William Garcia (Miami), Karen Fischer (NYC), Christian Suau (Puerto Rico), Jesse Dylan (Los Angeles), Bob Teitel (Chicago)
Executive Producers: Andres Levin, Scott Spanjich
Associate Producer: Alex Migoya

Talent: Alejandro Sanz, Paulina Rubio, John Leguizamo, Jessica Alba, Kate del Castillo, Cucu Diamantes (Yerba Buena), Pedro Martinez (Yerba Buena), Andres Levin (Yerba Buena), George Lopez, Luis Guzman, Don Omar, Voltio, Lila Downs, Lin Manuel Miranda, Frankie Needles, Huey Dunbar, Nydia Caro,
Ivonne Caro Caro, Brazilian Girls, Carlos Marín and family, Carola Gonzalez, Viva Nativa, Jose Alberti