Monday, November 19, 2007

Black Women: Is there a Negative Consequence of Marriage for Us?

I've been thinking about how many women are interested in my group and the age-old concern that there are more women than men out there looking for the perfect relationship whether it's marriage or long-term relationships or companionship. In a Washington Post editorial, William Raspberry reported on a study from 2005 that found marriage had negative consequences for black women.
African Americans report that they are less satisfied. They also report higher levels of conflict -- even violence. Then there's the matter of domestic justice -- sharing household responsibilities. And infidelity rates are higher among African American men.
Is that the reason why women like myself, highly educated, middle-class black women over 30 are still single? There is such a demand among women that I find a lot of black women are resigned that it will never happen for them. Yeah, I have my days of thinking that way, I cannot deny it. I am sure others like me think, I have a lot going for me and I have a helluva a lot to offer. What's the deal?

I am committed to Success with the Opposite Sex: Get Related not Dated (TM) because it really has given me not just hope, but practice in being open and committed to being married and fostering positive and healthy relationships between black men and women for the sake of sons and daughters, whether our own or simply part of the band of folks we will encounter throughout our personal and professional lives. Kids, black and other kids, need to see healthy relationships blossoming and blooming instead of in many instances breaking down between black men and women.
As the report itself notes: "There is every reason to believe that increased marriage rates, and especially higher numbers of good marriages, would bring significant improvements to black people's lives. To take one example, we have seen in this review that higher marriage rates among African Americans would almost certainly reduce the risks of juvenile delinquency facing young African American males."
I am not committed to waiting and seeing, hoping someday, for black women. I get that the predictions may point to better well-being for young black males, but it begins with black women being a demand for their own satisfaction with the opposite sex in all contexts and right now. This is not feminist manifesto. This is about training ourselves to bring happiness and satisfaction to each and every moment we share with others, especially with black men.

What would you be willing to give up concerning your opinions about the relationships with black women, ladies, that might have you see what's possible for you newly? What would you have to give up, usually an opinion or point of view about the way it's been, that would allow you to consider the future is open and can be vastly different from here on out?

CHECK THIS OUT: Wedded Bliss Foundation: A National Initiative to Promote Marriage in the Black Community (March 30, 2008)
Wedded Bliss Foundation was born out of the knowledge that married people live longer, have better health, earn more money, accumulate more wealth, buy more homes, feel more fulfilled in their lives, report enjoying more satisfying sexual relations and have happier, more successful children.

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