What Black Men Think

My friend Atiba turned me on to this clip from the DVD What Black Men Think that sets the record straight on the stereotypes generated by erroneous statistics about them.



The video talks about misconceptions about black men and AIDS transmission to women and stats about black men in prison vs. college. This is a must see.

I am getting so present to we think we know things but we never check our sources. I've be learning more about the world from YouTube videos like this that beg me to question what I think I know about black people, black women, black men and the world.

Check this out if you haven't already:
Shift Happens http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pMcfrLYDm2U
A Shift Happens Remix http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhnWKg9B2-8&feature=related

Oh...and one more message from a brother...

Committment

The holidays brings up a lot for people--cheerfulness and despair. We became more aware of what we have and don't have esp. in relationships and not just romance. Being with family brings it on if you're still single. New Year's eve can too. Will I have a date? Where will I go or will I stay home? With my girlfriends again or will I have a date and with whom? And will there be mistletoe?

Success with the Opposite Sex: Get Related not Dated (TM) is scheduled for the first Friday of every month. On Fri Dec 7th twelve men and women rsvped with about 8-9 women in the mix. Lo and behold by 9pm four single men showed up, two of whom are in committed relationships. Not one woman showed or called to say they wouldn't be coming. It's odd because women are always complaining that it's men who are not committed.

This got me thinking about COMMITMENT as a topic. Commitment can be measured by where you have been spending your time, money, and results. It's no co-ink-a-dink (coincidence) that the single women and men who rsvp for the MEETUP.COM for Success with the Opposite Sex, some even pay the fee ahead, but then at the last minute don't call or show.

I have the same questionable commitment around the event. Taking time to be fully prepared (house cleaned ahead of time, materials created ahead of time, etc). It was last minute all the way. And the guests didn't show at the last minute. They are not even committed to sharing why it didn't work for them to come. This left me really disappointed Friday night.

Then I thought about my own personal relationships with men and where I say I am committed. I think a particular man is a perfect match for me but my actions lately (where I spend my time and money) is in refusing to call, wondering why he's not calling more often or why he's not interested, and avoiding finding out the real deal so I can move on if it's not working for him and for me. Crazy! I am committed to being crazy (LOL) AND cooky. This is a commitment to being unfulfilled surfacing again and this is not the first time I have distinguished it. It perfectly fits a story I've had about my life--I'm not good enough. (And that's not true but my actions are sure consistent with such a context).

So COMMITMENT is our topic next month. What do we say to ourselves about being committed? What don't we say to ourselves and the opposite sex? What could we talk about relative to being committed to one another? This has implications all the way down to rsvping and being a no show. What you may discover by looking at where you already are spending your time and results (not to mention money) is that you are actually committed to being alone, to feeling good rather than being satisfied, to being single or complaining about not being married. The icon to the right that I found on Google Images searching "commitment" shows three levels of commitment:

• The lowest level is aspiring commitment
  
• The next level is acknowledged commitment
  
• The highest level is experienced commitment
  

Are you simply ASPIRING to be in a committed relationship? Do the people of the opposite sex in your life ACKNOWLEDGE that commitment or does your relationships with the opposite sex demonstrate your hidden commitment? About the highest level, do you and the people of the opposite sex actually EXPERIENCE your commitment. This is an exercise in distinguishing where your real commitment lies and choosing what you really want if you'd been aiming elsewhere given what you've already been doing.

Having an owner's manual with this kind of resignation behind it is like getting a used car when the carburetor is inoperable or actually missing, yet you try to follow the owner's manual anyhow. The car just doesn't work without a carburetor.

Carburetor \Car"bu*ret`or\, n. (Chem.)
  An apparatus in which coal gas, hydrogen, or air is passed
  through or over a volatile hydrocarbon, in order to confer or
  increase illuminating power.

What I am present to is that the foundation that confers or increases power in my commitment to being in a relationship is missing. So back to the fundamentals. Let's all look: What have you been committed to with the opposite sex? What do you time, money and results say? January's event is about GETTING WHAT YOU'RE COMMITTED TO: STRAIGHT TALK FOR STRAIGHT AIMS

Statistics on Marriage, Divorce, and Living Arrangements

I often quote the statistics on black families and marriage and we had a brief conversation about the myths about black men and women around social demographics. The fact that we often say "there are not enough men" or "not enough of the right men" leads to certain behavior or lack of behavior on the part of women who may be resigned and cynical from such talk. There are plenty of men cause you only need one and there's definitely more than one out there to choose from. In any case, it is good to know the state of the black world demographically. To make choices not from what we think is going on but what the numbers, which are always changing, are at any given time. I think these numbers support the need for Success with the Opposite Sex: Get Related not Dated (TM).

On the whole, Blacks or African Americans (hereafter called Blacks) have lower rates of marriage and marital stability than all other ethnic groups. They also have higher rates of single-headed families than other groups.

• Black males and females are more likely to be unmarried than Whites, Hispanics, or American Indian/Alaskan Natives (AIAN) (42.2% for males, 40.8% for females, compared to 27.5% and 21.2% respectively for Whites, 38.2% and 30.3% for Hispanics, and 35.7% ad 29.9% for AIAN ).(ACS 2002)
• Black individuals are far more likely than Whites and Hispanics to be divorced (in 2002, 9.4% of Black males were divorced, and 13.3% of Black females versus 9.1 % and 11.3% respectively for Whites and 5.9% and 9.3% for Hispanics). (ACS 2002)
• Among married Black individuals, a greater percentage is living apart from their spouses than among married White and AIAN individuals (15.7% for Black males, 24.1% for Black females, versus 5.3% and 6.3% respectively for Whites and 11.1% and 12.8% for AIAN). Only Hispanics have a higher rate of living apart from their spouse than do Blacks – 16.2% for males and 16.9% for females (in many cases this may be due to immigration complications). (ACS 2002)
• Black families are less likely to contain a married couple than all other groups (46.0% versus 81.0%). White families have an 81% chance of containing a married couple, AIAN families have a 67% chance, and Hispanics have a 67.4% chance. (Census 2000)
• Single male-headed families are slightly more likely in Black homes than in White family homes (about 8.5% versus 5.3% for whites.). Hispanics and AIANs have a higher rate of single male headed families (10.3% and 10.4% respectively). (Census 2000)
• Single female-headed families are far more likely in Black homes than in all other groups' homes (45.4% versus 13.7%). By contrast, Whites have a 13.7% rate, AIANs have a 28.8% rate, and Hispanics have a 22.3% rate of single female headed families. (Census 2000)
• Only 44.9% of Black householders in family households live with a spouse. This compares with 80.6% for Whites, 60.1% for AIAN, and 70.2% for Hispanics. (Census 2000)
  

Statistics on Childbearing

Unmarried Black women constitute a majority of childbearing Black women and the rate of out-of-wedlock childbearing is increasing. Furthermore, teenage childbearing among Black women is high, although the rate is declining faster than in any other group.

STATE OF BLACK AMERICA - TAVIS SMILEY PRESENTS
Though one may or may not agree with all that Julia Hare says at the State of Black America CNN special in honor of Jamestown's anniversary but what you can take from this video is the need, the dire need for a transformation of what we've been through as black men and women.