Chris Abani on Women in the World (Shared Humanity)

If you know me you know that I LOVE TED talks. TED stands for Technology Entertainment and Design. I use these talks in my teaching and they are from a unique conference of inspiring talks that are 20 mins or less.

Last year, my book The Games Black Girls Play (NYUP, 2006) was a finalist for the 2007 PEN/Beyond Margins Award for which Abani's novel, “Song for Night" was among the winners. Amiri Baraka was another winner.

This is a TED talk of Abani sharing stories, as he says that are about transformation and are not sentimental, of his mother and of women counting. He also shares of Nigerian men tortured in prison. Abani was a political prisoner. This video exemplifies Success with the Opposite Sex: Get Related not Dated (TM) for me. It is not cliché nor a generalization about men or women. It is the real lived experience of being woman, being man from this extraordinary story teller.




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Come to your Senses at Success with the Opposite Sex Fri Feb 1st at 8pm

Our next event is coming up on Fri Feb 1 at 8pm and it will be fantastic! The theme is SENSUALITY. We'll be discussing how to activate your senses and surrendering to sensuality. What has SENSUALITY meant to you, what experiences have you had? Would you be willing to discover it newly in the future if it produced the results you really want? Are you confusing Sensuality with Sexuality. We often do.
The sculpture to the left is by Michael Orgel titled Agave Urn.
Click image to purchase.

Consider that if you resist surrendering to your own or others' sensuality or sensualness, you may be preventing yourself from experiencing all of life fully right now. At the February event you'll have and opportunity to explore indirectly what prevents you from surrendering to sensuality with the opposite sex in various contexts.

This is going to be a juicy, really intimate evening of conversation. Come discover how you would rate yourself on a scale of 1 to 5 with 1 being "being friendly" and 5 being "nothing hidden". Whereever you seem to be on the scale is not as important as what you think about all that and getting intimately connected to yourself around the topic of SENSUALITY.

On Sunday Jan 20th, I went to the Kevin Powell MLK Event at Kumble theatre/Long Island University in Brooklyn co-sponsored by April Silver's Akila Worksongs Events. After the event, I was sharing about SUCCESS with the OPPOSITE SEX (TM) with a divorced sister who is raising two boys, one is 19 and the other is 8. We got to talking about how important it is to talk with the opposite sex instead of just the same sex and she shared a wonderful experience that inspired me about sensuality.

She said her youngest REALLY LOVES BREASTS since he was very young. When he's close to a woman's breasts he wants to touch them (innocent sensuality). She started to clasp her own breasts without thinking to demonstrate for me. She told me she had began to say to him "Big boys don't do that" to try to curb his behavior. An adult male friend of hers told her to stop telling him that. She asked why. He said "I'm a big boy and I do it!" I loved this story because it made her point and mine. We are two different sexes and we need each other to learn about the other. She discovered that she doesn't really know what it is to raise a boy to be a man. She knows how to raise him to be human. Success with the Opposite Sex (TM) is adult men and women teaching each other all the things we can't know about the opposite sex around various topics.

What is sensuality as a lived and ongoing phenomenon?
This story made me think about expanding the conversation for Feb 1 to include the many levels to talking about sensuality. Some have to do with wanting to be close, to touch, to feel, to express your desire. Some have to do with learning to curb your desire in public settings as you grow older long before your hormones kick in sexually. Some have to do with learning to let go after all that suppressed and quite important training (what's appropriate when) and later as an adult you can surrender to your desires and to your partner's desires not to mention the simple desires we share with loved ones outside of romantic encounters. An embrace with a parent can be sensual or not.

Are you willing to explore surrendering like we all once did on Friday, February 1st? I promise it will be safe, you can share if you wish or not. The bulk of the evening will be intimate conversation and some interactions around sensuality. We will also practice receiving a hand massage from the opposite sex to see how willing you are to experience surrendering to sensuality.

There are several spots left, please register before the weekend. The fee is $20 which covers wine, wings, materials, advertising, and the facilitation & design of the monthly event. The goal is to have two of these a month for up to 30 people by May and to facilitate a major event this summer with 100 people (50 men and 50 women).

Whatever you want is available out of participating in the Get Related not Dated (TM) technology designed for developing your Success with the Opposite Sex (TM). 100% Satisfaction Guaranteed or your money back.

Kyra G

Create your own nation, Design your own owner's manual

I sent a thank you to all the new members on our Success with the Opposite Sex meetup.com group and posted the following message to them. It's perfect for our blog too and posted below. Before that, I want to share some thoughts from a newcomer who attended last month's event.

I wanted to tell you how moved, touched and changed I felt after the last gathering. As I shared with everyone that night; for the last four years I have only held real deep communication with the men in my family, colleagues at work and my therapist--and not to minimize him, but also my gay best friend. Wow, man have I been missing out--what a great non threatening way to get back into practice without any pressure.

Thank you for creating such a simple, profound way for men and women to connect beyond the superficial. See you on the 2nd.

Our next event is on November 2nd
You'll need a notebook or bring your own journal/diary
You may also want to bring your favorite pen or writing utensil

THEME for the next event is DESIGNING YOUR OWN OWNER'S MANUAL.

For those who don't know I am a professor of music and anthropology. Today I taught about political systems in my cultural anthro intro. I am having my students play a game called CREATE YOUR OWN NATION based on a website I found. An author found a creative way to advertise her political novel that is being marketed by a simluation game called NATION STATES.
http://www.nationstates.net/
NationStates is a free nation simulation game. Build a nation and run it according to your own warped political ideals. Create a Utopian paradise for society's less fortunate or a totalitarian corporate police state. Care for your people or deliberately oppress them. Join the United Nations or remain a rogue state. It's really up to you.

This got me thinking. If you could create a NEW owner's manual for yourself, like create it from scratch, how would your life run? How would your relationships operate? What would you be creating in your relationships?

In the nationstates simulation game (which is free if you're interested), you create your own nation, your nation's motto, flag, style of government, etc. We might do some collaging of the motto and flag, or said from an entrepreneurial perspective, we might collage your brand name and logo, to get started on your owner's manual at November's event.

Your owner's manual in this day an age might be a podcast, a video, or a visual display. Doesn't have to be literate communication, you know.

Something to think about and entice you to come on Nov 2 ladies and gentlemen!
Come out and stake your flag for the world to see what impossible dreams you are out to fulfill in relationship!

Best, Kyra
http://kyraocity.com

Another Successful Event in October

Announcing the next Success with the Opposite Sex (TM) Meetup Group!

What: Designing an Owner's Manual for Success
When: Friday, November 2, 8:00 PM

Discounted '07 Event fee : USD $10.00 per person (for new and returning members)

IN OCTOBER: The theme was Romantic Love. We inquired into the cliché and stereotypical ways we think of and relate to ROMANCE or ROMANTIC LOVE. Many of us were cynical and resigned. Then I shared a video by an anthropologist on the latest research on love as a biological drive with three aspects (lust - love - attachment). Then I introduced a historical interpretation of love: "the artistic expression of one's innermost desires" whether romantic or not. We shared and broke bread over our innermost desires with at least three people of the opposite sex and it was delicious, intimate and engaging!

Here are the October survey responses to "WHY WOULD YOU RECOMMEND THIS EVENT?":

• "It is helpful to talk to men in a safe place without any agenda." - Single female 30-39
• "It was a positive environment." - Single male 40 and up
• "The open, honest sharing between everyone was valuable." - Divorced female 30-39
• "Informative and also made very good use of my Friday evening" - Single male 30-39
• "It's safe. It was a pleasure to hold intimate eye contact + frank talk with men." - Single female 30-39
• "Real talk!! Engaging activity." - Single male, 22-29

FOR NOVEMBER: We came up with a great theme at the last event
DESIGNING AN OWNER'S MANUAL for Success with the Opposite Sex.

Your car comes with an owner's manual. This manual is supplied with each new vehicle and explains how various features of the vehicle operate. It also contains useful information on driving tips, and specifications of the vehicle. But unlike your car, you are more like your computer. You need to update and upgrade both your hardware and software, let's say, after each relationship or change in relationship (moving from being single to being engaged or married to being divorced).

I am considering making this OWNER'S MANUAL a ongoing and required activity for participating in SUCCESS with the OPPOSITE SEX: GET RELATED not DATED(TM). November's event is the beta test for it's design so come on out and play!

When I think of an owner's manual, my CEO gene thinks of Warren Buffet's Owner's Manual http://www.berkshirehathaway.com/owners.html

Buffet writes:

These pages are aimed at explaining our broad principles of operation, not at giving you detail about Berkshire's many businesses.... At the time of the Blue Chip merger in 1983, I set down 13 owner-related business principles that I thought would help new shareholders understand our managerial approach. As is appropriate for "principles," all 13 remain alive and well today, and they are stated here in italics. A few words have been changed to bring them up-to-date and to each I've added a short commentary.

1. Although our form is corporate, our attitude is partnership.

From this brief excerpt, you may get a sense of the power of having an owner's manual.
That's what's I have in store for us on November 2nd in Brooklyn.

TED Talks>> Dan Gilbert: Why are we happy? Why aren't we happy?

CREATE A SWTOS MEETUP IN YOUR CITY OR NEIGHBORHOOD:
As CEO, I am now launching other meetups (join the franchise) in other cities. I partner with a host/trainee to set up a series in your own home and coach you over a ten week series to facilitate this on your own. The potential to earn additional income and facilitate growth, development and leadership in black communities for the social well-being of men and women is what's at stake and available.

If you're interested in starting a group in another city or location, call me at 646 831 0615.

Thanks and see you next month at SUCCESS with the OPPOSITE SEX: GET RELATED not DATED (TM).

Join the meetup group in NYC at:
http://blackology.meetup.com/64/calendar/6499756/


GET RELATED not DATED BLOG INQUIRY: I want to hear your thoughts on this

If each man and woman set down the broad and key principles for operating at peak performance in relationships, what might that provide not only for your partners but more importantly for you?